Teaching Values | Archives

November 2008 | Dealing with Fighting

At some point, siblings will likely partake in some form of bickering or fighting. How you handle these situations has the potential to speak volumes to your children about dealing with conflict.

Some parents simply separate their kids if they are unable to work things out on their own. And, while this may solve the immediate conflict, it is unlikely to spark lasting change. To truly help your children understand an appropriate way to talk to and interact with others, offer guidance when you overhear bickering.

When your children are fighting, call one of them out of the room and discuss how to confront, ignore, and/or talk about problems. Talk to them about what it means to be a peacemaker. Give some specific ideas for dealing with the current issue, then send them back in to try it again. If necessary, do the same with the other child/children involved. Talking to your children separately will help them focus on what you are saying and prevent them from corporately ignoring your promptings.

October 2008 | Teaching Honesty

The messages culture emits are often coated with untruth. Teaching children the value of honesty, then, is an increasingly difficult task for parents, but one that is certainly worth taking extra time and care to convey.

To instill the importance of honesty in your children, setting clear expectations is a major priority. Children need to know and understand what is required of them to truly thrive. Talk to your kids about honesty; explain why you require them to be honest, and then set an example with your own words and actions, keeping in mind that they will be watching you for inconsistencies. Be specific, and offer your child appropriate examples of why honesty is important. Also, be sure to explain the consequences of dishonesty, and when a child lies explore the ways she should have handled the situation.

Honesty, responsibility, and self-control all often go hand in hand. Draw that connection for your children, and praise them when they are responsible and/or honest.

September 2008 | A Listening Ear

One of the most valuable things you can ever give your child is a listening ear. Amidst the busyness of life, taking the time to stop and truly listen can often slide down our list of priorities. You might even find yourself wanting to instantly correct any faults in your child's logic to hasten the conversation, but hearing her out can help you understand her more fully.

Make sure to look at your child, and pay specific attention to any non-verbal cues she may be giving you. Encourage her to keep talking, affirm what she is saying, and then try to find creative ways to help her solve any problems she may be facing. Keep in mind that listening alone is an affirming act, and that you can learn all kinds of things about your child by hearing the things that are on her heart and mind.

August 2008 | Making Decisions

We all make countless choices every day, and allowing your child to make some of her own decisions can help develop a strong sense of problem-solving skills and responsibility. Openly discussing decisions with your children and then empowering them to make wise choices is a good habit to get into.

If you talk through options with your child but then allow her to make a choice, you are also showing her that you honor her. One obvious way to practice this principle with your children is with money. Talk to them about the value of saving and considering purchases, but then let them make their own choices and learn from any mistakes that they might make.

July 2008 | Setting Limits

Finding the balance between structure and freedom for your kids can be difficult, and you can find research on both sides suggesting that children need more of one or the other. No matter where you fall on the issue, though, children have a very distinct need for rules. Rules will change and adapt as kids get older, but the underlying values that drive the rules generally remain constant.

It is important to help your children understand these underlying principles from the start. The more children understand why you are implementing a given rule, the more likely they will be to adapt the restriction into a principle for life. This will be increasingly important as kids grow up and begin assessing the standards around them in order to create their own value systems. When the reasoning for the boundary makes sense to a child, she is more apt to integrate that value into her life.

June 2008 | Offer Praise

It may be easy for adults to project childhood as a carefree time void of any trouble or concern; however, the reality is that most kids struggle with a variety of issues while growing up. As your children traverse the various stages of adolescence, your praise and affirmation are an important part of your kids developing a healthy self-image.

It is important to be specific when offering praise. If a child gets a good grade at school, do not simply say “You’re so smart;” rather, encourage the behavior that led to the result: “I am so proud of you for working and studying so hard!” Kids will know when you are not being genuine, and if you offer too much praise for routine things your words will seem redundant or insincere. Be sure to encourage your kids to branch out, and even if they fail praise them for not being afraid to try new things.

May 2008 | Discipline vs. Anger

We all know what it feels like to be angry. And, if you have children, chances are at some point they will do something that makes you upset. How your respond in these situations can have a lasting impact on your child’s ability to handle her own anger. While children may commit large offenses that instantly make you mad, more often anger stems from seemingly insignificant behaviors. When these behaviors are repeated they can escalate to the point of frustration for a parent. Make a conscious decision to choose discipline over anger.

If a child is begging for something and/or whining over a strict “no” from you, instead of letting the behavior persist until you become annoyed and upset, express your sadness over the behavior and take action to make it stop. Talk to your child, letting her know why you are taking the action that you are. This way, your children will be able to learn from your discipline instead of recoiling at your anger. This shows your kids that you honor and respect them – a great lesson to convey!

April 2008 | Generosity

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:16

Many experts agree that by the age of five children begin to understand that the concept of generosity extends beyond simply sharing a toy at a parent’s request. Make sure that you demonstrate generosity on a daily basis, giving selflessly to those around you in order to set a positive example for your children. Instilling a generous attitude in your kids now will be paramount in preparing them to adopt a lifestyle of generosity when they are older.

As a family, make it a habit to discuss the needs of others. If you pray before meals or at bedtime, pray for people you know who are in need as well as people around the world who lack food, water, and shelter. Ask God to use your family and your resources to help these people. You might also want to consider getting involved in the community with your children. Volunteer as a family and discuss that we can be generous with our time, money, and talents. You’re never too young to be generous!

March 2008 | Sarcasm

From an early age, children learn the art and effectiveness of sarcasm. They learn it can make a point and sometimes hurt a person. Here is a former GEMS account of sarcasm within her family.

Sarcasm was the norm at our house. While we would often use it for good clean teasing, we would often use it to wound, simply because we had gotten so used to using it. Upon seeing how we were using sarcasm to hurt other family members, my parents put their foot down. We were told sarcasm was no longer allowed in the house. Every time we used it, we would lose allowance or privileges. We also had to apologize to the person we were sarcastic to, which for us kids was not easy to do. We quickly learned sarcasm was not acceptable and our family was able to grow closer because of the lack of sarcasm.

Challenge your family to not use sarcasm for the month of March. At the end of the month, evaluate how your family did and talk about how sarcasm is going to continue to not be used in your house. Encourage your children to use words that build others up, not tear them down.

February 2008 | Race of Life

In Michigan there is a place called Mackinaw Island. This island moves at a different pace than the rest of the world. It moves at a much slower pace, allowing people to drink in the stunning beauty of the island. Why does it move slower? No cars are allowed on the island. The only way to get around is on bikes or walking. While there, visitors are “forced” to move at a slower pace. And that is okay! Visitors enjoy the excuse to slow down.

From a young age children are taught that in order to get through life, one must hurry through it, often missing the important things. Help your children understand the value in not rushing through everything by slowing down. For one day, have your whole family slow down. Cars must remain in the garage – instead walk to the store together. Fix meals that don’t include the microwave. Pop popcorn on the stove. Heat up hot chocolate in a kettle. Make homemade pizza. Play games with much thought required e.g. Clue. Show children that life is not a race.

January 2008 | Beautiful

Children so desperately need to be assured that they are beautiful or handsome. In the book Captivating, the authors talk about how little girls want and need to hear from their parents that they are beautiful, that they are loved. The book continues by saying that this is a huge reason that little girls twirl their skirts in front of their daddies. They desire to hear they are someone who is beautiful. All children need to not only have their physical features noticed, but also be openly complimented by parents that they are talented and part of God’s plan. Let your children know how special they are to you and to God.